Word of the Day:繊細

So, I know that the people who have harassed me aren't gone but, they are laying pretty low lately so I am happy about that. They shouldn't even be in my shit anyway.

Maybe they are a religious person and sort of giving me a break during this time right now. I am happy about that either way.

I have a lot of plans coming up, I am being sort of bold in some moves but also I am still battling sort of not being motivated all the time and maintaining a good amount of productivity.

I have just like 2 main goals today but I could possibly do 5 if I am more ambitious.

I sort of confessed a lot of things last night while I was on a sugar/caffeine high to randos. I mean, what? That would be the equivalent of going to a bar, getting drunk, and doing the same thing... But that is more stupid because those people would have more easy access to my person.

Good things I've done, bad things I've done. Sometimes it is better to tell a random person because they won't hold it against you. The worst thing they can do is just like donbiki ( when someone gets weirded out and slowly backs away )

You know, that sad this is that, even these good plans I have for the next couple of weeks, might change because of mercury retrograde. I hate when I have to switch gears.

I am glad I am over the illusion of my family. I had thoughts of... maybe visiting some of them or saying some things, but they aren't on the same frequency and.. really any sort of nostalgia or sentimentality won't change that. It would be like Wanda-vision. It is a fake world.

The new plans will expand me and, I need to focus on that even though, I am more scared than I was in my 20's of these sort of things.

That whole fleas in a jar thing.

It is hard to say if that can be overcome completely but, I think environment definitely dictates whether that is even remotely possible to change.

I could've been more cut throat. I had an opportunity to advance... very high. But because that meant I had to sacrifice someone, I turned it down. I don't even know if that person in question was innocent or guilty but, I just didn't feel comfortable with the situation. Maybe it was a flea in the jar response for not being more selfish and doing what was good for me, but I feel like the whole thing was trying to trigger a desperation response from me and I don't like the idea of being a stupid pawn.

Sure, we are all used by someone or something eventually, but when it is that obvious, there is no integrity in that. So many motherfuckers trying this schtick on me, don't fucking know me.

Lol, I kind of want to watch this movie again. I like Christopher Walken.

No time for regrets either way. This is a new day and I got things to do. I am just waiting for my phone to charge. I don't really have to as I my battery packs are fully charged but, I am not in a rush. Some of these tasks will affect me emotionally. Also... Ah, well yea some of those other tasks I might have to wait until tomorrow. Yes, I could do them by myself but, I might as well give the other person a chance to be useful before deciding they're completely useless.